Today I had dental surgery and made it through without having to be anaesthetized. By that I mean that I asked the dentist if he could give me laughing gas, to which he responded by jabbing a giant needle, or possibly a sword, into the roof of my mouth. I cried, I laughed, I kneed the dental assistant by accident. Anyway, once my entire mouth was frozen, they chopped up some stuff, sewed things back together, and sent me out with a prescription for many a painkiller and a cup to catch the drool that was spewing everywhere (good storytelling means not leaving out any details!)

I thought everything was fine and headed to the pharmacy to fill my prescription. While waiting for said prescription, the freezing started to wear off. It didn’t just slowly wear off, either. It was like an exponential function. The pain in my mouth quintupled with every passing second. Furthermore, my drool cup was filling up rapidly and I had nowhere to empty it!

Just kidding – I left the cup at home and wore a bib.

The worst part of it is that I can’t eat solid foods for a week:
Dentist: So you should avoid solid foods for three or four days and then start reintroducing things like mashed potatoes, yogurt, banan-
Heather: Are pancakes a solid food?
Dentist: … yes…
Heather: But I can still have syrup?
Dentist: … your bill is at the front desk

If childbirth is the worst pain in the world, I’m adopting cats. Also, it’s possible that I’m loopy from painkillers right now. Maybe.

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