I realize that most people start up blogs when they travel to interesting places. I’m going to do the same.

Begin: Heather’s travelogue — from my apartment in Boston to the Boston airport.

3:00 p.m.: My roommate drops me off at the airport. She leaves before I try to enter the terminal so she is not there to help me when the automatic doors won’t open. I stand outside for 5 minutes. I realize I’m standing in front of a window. I eventually find the door.

3:23 p.m.: After checking a bag, I nervously approach security. Begin Round 15 of “What can Heather smuggle though security”. Today’s goal: a fork and a jello cup. In case you’re just tuning into the game, here are the stats:

Successes: butter knife, corkscrew, 3 bottles of Hungarian home brew, large spoon, small spoon, metal cow statue
Failures: bottle of water, bottle of wine,  my extra trumpet mouthpiece (although this was not intended to be part of the game), regular size toothpaste tube, tub of yogurt, 23 mangoes, shoe polish, shaving cream.

3:26 p.m.: My turn to go through security. I remove my belt and shoes and place them with my bag containing the secret items.
“Anything in your pockets?”
“No.”
“Any gels, liquids, or firearms?”
“Yes, I have jello”
One of the reasons my success list is shorter than my fail list is that I can’t lie to authority figures.

3:38 p.m.: They let me eat the jello but then they found the fork. I sit in a small, draped corner of the room while my backpack is searched. I come to the conclusion that I should no longer bring forks on planes. I also make a mental note to apologize to my roommate for losing one of her forks.

3:55 p.m.: I’m weak with hunger. I buy a sandwich. It’s not that good.

3:59 p.m.: I regret drawing happy faces on my visa.

 

Stay tuned for Part 2: Heather attempts to cross the U.S./Canadian border without a fork.

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