Dear Stuart,

I frequently do stupid things which are often made worse by the fact that I go to a quasi-senile old man, Art, for advice. Art’s advice is usually terrible and results in me doing more stupid things. Every so often, though, Art pulls through and teaches me a good life lesson.

Earlier today, I complained about my latest life fail to Art. I ranted on and on about my problem and about how everyone in the world was stupid. After listening patiently, Art took a long pause. Then he looked at me and knocked the apple that I was eating out of my hand. It rolled onto the street. Where it was run over by a car. Then an eagle came and ate the juicy innards. Then what was left of the apple spontaneously combusted.

It was all very sad and half of that didn’t happen, but after knocking the apple out of my hand (that did happen), Art said, “life just got a lot worse, didn’t it?!”

“Why did you do that?!”
“To make you appreciate that your world isn’t that bad.”
“By wasting food?”

Art then stepped on my foot.

“Just got worse, hey?”

This went on for several more minutes before I admitted to Art that there are innumerable ways to make life worse. These include having dentures and garbage thrown at you.

So next time you’re feeling down, pick up an apple and be thankful an old man is not hitting you with a cane.

Other ways to make yourself feel better.