Last night I discovered that I live in Jack the Ripper’s house. Here is the story.

I was walking down a dark alley late at night when I came across a group of people crowding around a strangely-dressed man. Naturally I stopped and pushed my way to the front to see what was going on. The oddly-dressed man was telling a story about “The Ripper”. I pulled a box of cereal out of my bag and listened along.

About 30 seconds in, though, the man telling the story stopped and looked at me.

“Excuse me, but are you going to pay?”
I wasn’t sure what I was supposed to pay for but I’m not one to argue with a man wearing a ratty top hat.
“I don’t have any money,” which was the truth.
“How did you buy that package?” he asked, pointing to my bag of groceries.
“With my credit card and a bit of charm!” I replied, winking at him.

I was about to give him my credit card number and pin when he asked me what I had in my bag. I started pulling items out: peanut butter, more cereal, a vegetable that I thought looked funny, and some cans of soup.

“I’ll take a can of soup as payment,” the man said. Unsure of what I was paying for, I handed it over and anxiously awaited my prize. But then he just kept talking about Jack the Ripper. He pointed to some nearby buildings and was all “blah blah knives and guts, he was here, he was there, eat your peas, tie your shoes” and I was getting quite bored. I decided to leave the group and continue home, which was actually only 1 minute away.

When I returned home I told my cousin about the strange man who took my soup and talked about Jack the Ripper. She told me that there are nightly tours given because Jack the Ripper used to hang out in our neighbourhood and LIVED IN OUR HOUSE.

She did not say the latter part of that but I can only assume it’s true. Otherwise, who knows what is up and what is down?

It was recently pointed out that I haven’t been blogging much lately. I actually write something every day or two but lately the things I write have been so bad that I refuse to post them. I noticed that more people were smiling during this period of posting abstinence, but now it’s over and I’m posting everything, good or bad. You all can blame said friend for this. Email me for her number, home address, and a bag of rotten tomatoes.